


Closure

by Annabel_Eyre



Series: At the Common Room [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Confrontation, F/M, I don't know how to tag this, Marauders' Era, No Fluff, argument?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-30 07:12:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12103470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annabel_Eyre/pseuds/Annabel_Eyre
Summary: Lily is in her sixth year at Hogwarts when she finds out that Severus may be involved with the Death Eaters.





	Closure

Lily kept staring at the fire in the common room. She wished her friends would stop talking. She needed to know what was happening out there, but it hurt to hear about it.

“Dad said in the letter today that the daily prophet confirmed five muggles killed by a group of masked wizards last weekend, but he thinks that other muggles were hexed,” Mary said low enough so the other two girls sitting beside her could hear.

Lily had also received a letter today. It had been from her sister, she announced she was getting married to that Vernon in the summer, and of course she was moving away from home right away. Lily thought it was all awfully hurried. That meant she would be free from Petunia, but she also felt alone when she read the news.

“It makes sense… And we think that this group is recruiting now.” Dorcas leaned closer to Lily. “This group is beginning to recruit students from Hogwarts, and what better way to initiate them then make them use an unforgivable curse on someone?” She huffed. “Merlin knows that the Malfoy lot knows a curse or two already.” She looked at Lily, then at Mary questioningly.

Lily knew what she was thinking, or who she was thinking about. Of course they all thought Severus was involved in all of this. And could she blame them? They weren’t exactly on speaking terms anymore, not since the end of fifth year, and they were now in the end of their sixth year. But it was still a sore subject for her, they all knew.

“Actually, Lily, we wanted to talk to you about that. Alice saw something. She was walking back from the greenhouse when she heard voices from the forbidden forest, she went closer and she heard Malfoy, Mulciber and… Snape. They were talking about an initiation. That’s where we’ve got the idea from, they talked about attacking muggles from a secluded village, and… “

Lily shook her head, locks of her hair falling in front of her eyes.

“I'm sorry… But Alice heard everything, we’re sure of it.” Mary said and put her hand on Lily’s knees to comfort her. At that moment James and Sirius entered the common room, laughing loudly, Sirius had his arms around the other boy’s shoulder. They went straight towards them, oblivious to the atmosphere of their previous conversation, and sat down next to Lily.

They were always together, like brothers. Lily envied that, she was close to someone like that once, but now it was all lost. She felt overwhelmed, there were too many people in the room, and she suddenly felt the need to be alone. She got up. Lily realized her friends were talking to each other, but she didn’t hear what they were saying.

“Lily, are you ok?” James frowned and asked her.

“Yeah, I just need to go somewhere.” She answered him and started walking away. She heard someone saying  _ wait _ , and _ where are you going _ , and she just replied with “I’m fine, don’t worry.”

As soon as she closed the portrait she started walking down the corridor, then soon she was running, she became aware of the fact that her feet were taking her towards the astronomy tower. It was there that Severus and her often went to be alone when they wanted to, to get away from the judging eyes of the people from both their houses.

When she got there she sat on the ground and now that she was alone, she felt like she could breathe again. It wasn’t her friends fault, she liked them, but they all had their own lives to worry about and she missed having a friendship where she connected with someone, having a best friend, someone who she could share secrets with, and feel comfortable around no matter the situation. She realized she’d lost that years ago, in Hogwarts and back at her house, when she went back during summer and holidays she only had her friends letter to keep her company.

And now that she was scared, the only person she would trust with her fears was the one who could hurt her. She only had one year left in Hogwarts and she didn’t feel ready to face life after graduating, not with what was happening out there. She always imagined graduating with Sev at her side, and after they had their falling out she just stopped thinking about graduating, and now she was so close, and so scared.

The worst part was that she somehow actually believed that he was involved with these people. The entire situation just sounds like it came out of her nightmares. It all just made her feel small and empty, she didn’t even know when she started to cry.

Lily was curled up by the window, with her head on her knees when she heard steps getting closer. She didn’t bother to look up until she heard a familiar voice say her name.

“Lily?”  Severus asked worriedly. She looked up and it was really him, he was right there next to her, and she just lost it.

She got up and hugged him, and she was overwhelmed. He was warm, and taller than last time they hugged, and he smelled just like she remembered, of books and cedarwood and home, and she just broke down again. She cried and he hugged her back, holding her tight . She was a mess.

“Lily, Lily, what happened?” After a while she heard him say against her hair. She tried to calm herself down, and tried to think to put what she was feeling into words.

“I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you and you are just going to hurt me after we get out of Hogwarts.” She knew she probably didn’t make much sense to him, but that’s what she managed to say between sobs. She held on tighter to his robes.

She felt him stiffen in their embrace, then he put his hands on her shoulder and pushed her gently away to look at her face.

“What are you saying? You know I would never hurt you.” he tried to make her look at him. When she did, it just made her want to cry again, because she hadn’t seen her best friend in years, not this side of him, the caring side, the honest side that didn’t feel the need to put on a mask to protect himself.

She took a deep breath and then blurted out “Of course you bloody are! We are going to be on opposite sides of a war, you’ll be out to kill people like me, possibly me! Don’t deny this.” She was still holding onto him, she let go, and sat by the window. “You are with them, aren’t you?” He didn’t answer her.

She put her head in her hands “ This is ridiculous. I’m just feeling… Alone, and scared. I’m sorry Severus, just go.” Now that her mind was clearing up a bit she felt embarrassed about what she did. They hadn’t talked in over a year, and she just flung herself into his arms. He was there at the wrong place in the wrong time. What was he doing there?

She didn’t hear any footsteps, so she knew he didn’t plan on leaving yet.

“What are you doing here anyway?” Lily asked and looked up from her hands.

“I overheard your friends, they were looking for you in the library, they were worried, couldn’t find you, so… It doesn’t matter. Look.” He gestured with his hands as if to push the subject away. He took a step closer to her. “I’ve missed you Lily, I’m so sorry.” She noticed his accent getting thicker, since they went to hogwarts and he noticed that the accent he inherited from his father wasn’t common, he never let it show, unless he was emotional. She sighed.

“It’s all fucked, isn’t it?” She gave him a small smile. “I just always imagined us graduating. You know. Us, together. And now… We’ve taken different paths, and you’ve chosen… “ She saw him swallow.

“You don’t understand. I would never hurt you.”

“You don’t even deny that you’re with them” Her voice was trembling. “What if you had to hurt me? You would just say no and walk away? Sev, I am the target, I’m a mudblood.” She saw him flinch. After a few moments she said. “I really don’t understand actually. Why?” They were both worked up, breathing heavily. She didn’t want to fight, but if this was the only opportunity she had to talk to him about this, she would take it. He took several deep breaths before talking.

“For you! To protect you. I was helpless, without money, any kind of power, but from the inside, I can take the attention away from you, I can gain enough money, enough prestige to make something out of me to make a future for…”

“What?” She interrupted him.

“It’s always been for you, Lily.” She saw the sincerity in his eyes, and she didn’t know how to feel, half of her wanted to blow up in anger at the stupidity of what she just heard, but mostly she just felt stunned and tired.

“I don’t need this kind of protection. What are you thinking?” She was starting to lose her temper. “Make something out of yourself? Sev, you’re brilliant, for fuck’s sake, you can pursue any field you want and be successful.” He was starting to say something but she continued to talk. “And don’t you dare use me as an excuse. You’ve got into this mess because you wanted to, not because of me.”

“Do you think I would just say those things if I didn’t mean them? You don’t understand the danger.” He was angry at her, like all the times they talked about this before. Lily realized they would never agree on this. They stared at each other in silence.

“Were you part of… what happened last weekend?” She asked. He looked away and shook his head. She sighed.

“It’s simple, you can’t be with me if you are with them, and I think you’ve made your choice a long time ago.” They exchanged a look and it seemed and it finally dawned on them that this was it. There would be no more shared summer afternoons in her room, no more shared secrets and planning a future where they would be friends, this was the end. She got up and brushed past him to leave the room.

He grabbed her arm, not too tight, she could shake it off and keep walking if she wanted to, but she stayed and listened, because she was a mess that night.

“I miss you Lily.” He said and his voice broke. She knew he meant to say something else. She looked at his hands and saw they were shaking. She took his hands in hers, lifted to her face and kissed it.

“I miss you too Sev. I always will. Goodbye.” She let go of him and left him alone in the astronomy tower.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
